my father is screaming at my mother. he says he’s going to kill her. they are in the kitchen.

my sister, amber, & i are upstairs. my mother is yelling for us to call the police.

amber picks up the phone & calls our neighbors instead, a filipino family four doors away.

nobody knows what to do. i wonder if my father has a knife in his hand. my mother sounds scared. she sounds angry. she doesn’t know what to do. she is trapped there. we are all trapped in this house.

my father moves in a daily kaleidoscope of depression, rage, & sorrow. my father doesn’t know what to do about these feelings. until he explodes like a volcano, hurting my mother & ignoring us. disappearing into the couch for months on end without a shower or decent meal. without a word to anyone.

my mother is screaming for us to call the cops. we don’t move. amber is holding my hand & talking to our friend who lives four doors away.

it is summer. the year 1988. we live in rowland heights, california.

i am 7 years old.